A Guide to Surviving your Child’s Teen Years

By Dr. Larry Nickens, Goldsboro Pediatrics

Now that you have made it through the late night feedings, toddler temper tantrums and the pre-teen whining, many parents still feel anxious at the thought of the "teenage years". For some families these years can be a time of confusion and chaos, but it must be taken into consideration that these years are a time of intense growth, physically, morally and intellectually for your teen.

Even though teens often carry negative perceptions from some adults, teens can be energetic, thoughtful with a strong notion for what is fair and right. These are the years you can, to the best of your ability, help and assist them into the individuals they will become as adults. Transitioning into the teenage years

The transition can most often be recognized by the separation your teen is trying to put between you and them. Independence can be a big issue for parents and teens to agree on, in your eyes they are not quite ready to take on the world themselves but they feel fully prepared to be on their own.

Teens also are very aware of how their peers see them and all are desperately trying to fit in. New looks and identities are more than likely to be tried during these years and can result in conflict with you. As your teen matures they will begin to think more abstractly and instead of trying to conform may begin asserting themselves and their opinions, which can also be a cause of conflict. As a parent of a teen you must ask yourself these questions: "Am I a controlling parent?" "Do I listen to my child?," and "Do I allow my child to form ideas and opinions different from mine?"

How to be prepared

• Educate Yourself—read plenty of books on teenagers and think back on your own teen years. Expect mood changes and rebellion, and know that the more you know what is coming the better you can cope and better prepare you child.
• Put Yourself in Their Place—practice empathy with your teen, help them understand that it is normal to feel a bit concerned or self-conscious.
• Pick Your Battles—when your teen suddenly wants to dye their hair or wear funky clothes, you may want to think twice before you outwardly object. Teens enjoy shocking their parents and its best to save the objections to things such as, alcohol, tobacco or drugs.
• Know Their Friends and Families—good communication between parents can help create a safe environment for all teens. By knowing their friends and their home life you are able to keep track of your teens activities without making them feel like they are being watched.
• Respect Their Privacy--until you see some sort of warning sign it is a good idea to give your teen some privacy. Their rooms and cell phones should be private. You won’t always know every detail of what your teen is doing but be sure to at least know where they are going, what they’re doing and who they are with.

Noticing a Serious Problem
Since you already know that your teen may be experimenting with minor things such as clothing, hair color and ideas it is necessary for you as a parent to know what some warning signs look like for a more serious problem that must be addressed rather than tolerated. In some cases teens can become self-destructive, depressed or develop an eating disorder. Here are some signs that your teen may be having a problem:

• Agitated or restless behavior
• Extreme weight loss or gain
• Drop in school grades
• Ongoing feeling of sadness
• Not caring about people or things
• Lack of motivation
• Low self-esteem
• Run-ins with the law

What to do if there is a problem Make sure to maintain open communication with your teen. If there seems like there might be a problem, ask your teen what is bothering them, be up front but not confrontational. Don’t ignore the problem in hopes that it will go away, handle it while it is small. Use your resources for outside help, such as your family doctor.

Being prepared is the best way to handle your child’s teen years. Just remember that they do not last forever and if the right tips are followed you can see your relationship with your teen develop. Let your teen know that you can get through it together and come out as a stronger family.